And it is like that. You live your life, you work hard, you struggle, you succeed and you help others and you generally live your life as a good person, and then you wake up. One day it hits you. What are you doing all of this for? Who are you doing all of this for? Since I was young I was given the message, work hard, be good, take care of your family, take care of your future spouse, take care of your future kids. Live your life in the service of others. So I did. I volunteered, I was a good neighbour, a dutiful daughter, a great friend, a good student, a good employee and all my worth was tied to being a ‘good’ person in the service of others. It was the right thing to do, the noble thing to do. Then why was I left feeling so empty inside? Every act of service was a good deed done. I was shown gratitude, love, respect, friendship, kinship and I was valued. But what happens when you can no longer serve? You quickly find out that your value is tied to what you can do for others. When you are no longer of service to them, they no longer care, they no longer see you, your value is gone. You quickly find out who values you as a human and who values what services you provide. When you wake up you realize you and only you can change that. Your worth is not what I can do. My worth is who I am. I exist and I am worthy. Life is amazing and to be alive is a great mystery and a great miracle. Once you wake up then you can choose to start living for you. And I know hard times are ahead as my awakening will push away those who are using me. It’s time to trim away those that were eating at my soul when my worth was so closely tied to how well they valued me. I am awake and I need to value myself, my time, my worth. My choices in life will be for me and I will learn to chose me first and yes, some people will be unhappy about my choices, but in the end this is my life and I live the consequence for better or worse. I am married to my life, until death do us part. This is my awakening and I chose me.
Laugh, Love, Live